I’m a suicidal wreck
I am repetitively cutting my wrists
I can’t take the pain and broken promises anymore
I’m about to close life’s door
I wish life didn’t hurt so much
I wish I could find love
But I’m torn and shattered by everyone I trust
I give away my heart too much
If i stopped trusting people maybe it’ll hurt less

But I’d go back to what I once was

I can’t keep doing this.
I’m pathetic and ugly
So why do others lie to me and say I’m not
I want to die
I hate this wretched life

I’m not worth anything anymore
I want to hit the vain and not be able to stop the blood
I want to pull the trigger on my loaded gun
I want to swing from the rope above my bed
I want to choke
I’m a suicidal wreck
I can’t live a life like this any more
My dear friends do it

Others do it

Why can’t I?

It would be so fun, so simple, so painless

I could finally let it all go

I could be released from this hell “God” puts my through

It would all be over

But I can’t

I’m only here for one reason &

That reason pushes me away from her

She torments me with her words of love

I can’t feel it any more

I can’t feel any thing anymore

I’m broken and numb and nothing else matters to me but her

But when my insanity takes over

She’ll run too, they all do…eventually

When will she if she isn’t thinking about it already?

Does she even think about me?

Or is it always him?

The one who isn’t there?

The one who breaks promises?

The one who ignores & is nothing but lucky?

The one who knows not what he has?

The one who doesn’t know I exist but seems to hate me?

Him, the one who I spent almost a month

DOING HIS GODDAMN JOB HEALING AND MENDING A BROKEN HEART!!!

I HATE YOU!!! I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!!!

WHY KEEP ME HERE?!

WHY KEEP ME AROUND AND TORTURE ME LIKE THIS?!

I HATE YOU GOD!!!

DAMN IT JUST LET ME FUCKING DIE!!!

YOU’VE TORTURED ME FOR EIGHT FUCKING YEARS!!!

my life has been nothing but an insomniac’s worst fucking nightmare….

I hallucinate

I hear voices

I cry

I stop talking

I cry some more

And I’ll still die for those I love…

It’s been eleven days since I’ve slept last and they just become worse and worse

Is this a message from some hateful deity?

Or just another aspect of life that kills me inside…?

No…its me…being hurt…again…as always…I can’t be happy anymore…I apparently don’t fucking deserve it…

Where were you?

Where were you when she was crying on the phone?

Where were you when you promised to call her?

Where were you?

Talking to some other chick right?

Or some “crazy” ex-girlfriend who you probably still “love?”

If you DARE hurt her…I WILL kill you…she is EVERYTHING to me…

SHE is why I live

SHE is why I still breathe

SHE is why I still eat…

And I’ll do everything I can to protect her…

I swear…I will fucking end your miserable life if you hurt her…

I’ll be looking forward to watching you bleed like I do…

I want to watch you suffer like I have…

I don’t just hate you, I love her and LOATHE you

Something you don’t even know bow to comprehend…

I’m begging you…give me a reason…I want the satisfaction of watching you die

Knowing you crossed the wrong guy

Realizing you finally understand what you have…

These are nothing but the ravings of a broken madman named Alecksandr Joel Candelario…

The insomniac with a guilty conscience and a knack for being heartbroken…

Fuck you…Fuck society…and Fuck Love…it does nothing but choke me up & break me down…

The things people want but never seem to pursue.

Fire an elemental

Fire a fundamental

Harbinger of Love

Fire of Love

Fire of Hate

Fire in all religions

Fire in all hearts

Fire to live

Fire to die

Fire in our souls

Fire used to change

Fire used to create

Fire used to destroy

Fire used to move

No love without fire

No war without fire

Fire, for loving

Fire, for killing

Fire, for dying

Fire is the same

In all languages

Fire is different

To all living beings

Water an elemental

Water a fundamental

Building block of life

Water of Life

Water of Death

Water in all religions

Water in all living things

Water in all countries

Water also used to barter

No life without water

No rife with water

Willful neglect of water

Water, for cooking

Water, for cleaning

Water, for drinking

Water, for living

Water, for dying

Water is the same

In all languages

Water is the same

To all living beings

Cradle my heart and sing the night away

Cast my soul into your endless oblivion

Let me malinger with your creation

To make fast this chiding torment astray

Amidst your dire visages the light sways

Take heed and bid midnight’s revelation

To suppose a wayward situation

Denying all the vulnerable allays

But to renounce your soft saturation

That has brought my heart heavenly foreplay

To pause and not hear you intonation

That cries much too much torture, I must lay

For thanks to you, and the heartbreak you have brought in your wake,

I will not sleep

Love, I’ve got to feel it

If you put your trust in me

I know what my life would be

Oh, You are all I will ever need

I try to hear what you say

So I pray, but you are fading away

Don’t go and break my fragile heart

We won’t ever fall apart

Because You are my only star

I wonder why my tears come out at night

Between You and I, it was love at first sight

All of the things you have in mind

Have also lingered in mine

My Love, you’ve got to feel it too

And if we put our trust in You and Me

You would know what our lives would be

Oh, You are The One, I believe

Like blood love flows through every blood vessel in my body. My brain floats in this liquid that soaks my mind with only thoughts of You.It feels like an art gallery in my head but every portrait is the same. Every portrait if of You.

Like picking the scab from an unhealed wound,

The very thought of you makes me swoon,

I could sit with you silently for hours,

Not uttering a sound, not aware of any others,

The way you smile just lights up my world,

The gleam in your eyes makes my heart fold,

But I’ve told you how I feel, on more than one occasion,

Told you I fear, that I will burn alive with passion,

But you’re like a marksman with a gun,

You shoot me down like a clay pigeon,

Don’t you understand the way I break inside,

Every time I feel closer than ever to suicide?

But I am not strong enough, to send a message that hard,

So in my weakness I sit and cry, my heart becoming scarred,

My soul is tainted with the curse, of a love unrequited,

I have no choice, I am destined to live unloved,

For I cannot accept love from any other,

You are my one and only, my spirit has been smothered,

It has been an age, since I thought I had let go,

But this is more than a feeling, it is something I can’t outgrow,

I saw your name, the other day,

That was all it took for me to stray,

The life I’ve lead has been straight and narrow,

But you have bent me with your reject, sharp as an arrow,

For a while that heartbreak had me numb,

But life flows on and numbness has been overcome,

With a rejuvenated effort to win your heart,

Please, please let me start from the start,

You are no longer near, you’re living far away,

But your smile and blossoming joy are in  my heart to stay,

So please open your heart to your ears, hear what I have to say,

I Love You, I Need You, You wash away all of my fears,

Distance cannot keep away a bond this strong,

Even if it is a one-way bond, it is with you my love belongs,

I don’t know how you hold me this way,

Even though in my you only see dismay,

I feel wrong for stamping on your heart with my undesired attentions,

I know all my actions bring your mind is condescension,

But please don’t think so squarely, I mean no harm or bereavement,

All I am looking for is equal treatment.

I am a fool, for trying to understand the mechanisms of love,

The only thing I surely know is that your defenses are tough,

When I find weakness, and I won’t stop until I do,

I’ll break down every brick of the wall between Me and You.

…or do I just give up… and write a requiem for unrequited love…?

The worst part of loving someone is being insecure

being weak

being selfless to a fault

being envious

being selfish sometimes

being incoherent to others

being nervous

being loyal

being tactless

being weird

being helpless

being unhappy

being blind

being curious

being noticed

being let go

being replaced

being shot down

being depressed

being hurt….

losing the chance to really live…

but I love the feeling…